Life is Rarely Scripted

There are people that you meet, friends that you make, and folks that actually impact your life. At the time, it’s just a natural course of events and not scripted. You’re not thinking will that kid in 2^nd period science class become my children’s youth pastor or will that girl that sits next to me in 5^th grade be one of my most frustrating and rewarding friends I have ever had? Though life is rarely scripted, it is simply just that… Life: A jumble of shared experiences, memories, failures and triumphs. Friends help shape who you are.

For me, there actually was a girl in my 5^th grade class named Maya Paratore. She was the new girl that sat next to me in class and soon helped me earn my first detention during recess. Not too happy about spending my regularly scheduled freedom in a quiet room reading dictionaries, I was ok with never speaking to her ever again. After a few minutes of slamming dictionaries on the table, Ms. Crawford admonished us and encouraged us to just be friends and stop talking in class.

Though her encouragement at the time fell on deaf ears, it was later that day after I witnessed a group of “popular girls” giving Maya a hard time that I conceded that she wasn’t a horrible person at all. She didn’t deserve the headache those misguided kids tossed her way. From then a friendship or better yet an alliance grew as we helped each other get through some challenging experiences at Otto Drive.

I soon met her family. My first memory of her mom was a lady about as tall as I was in the 5^th grade with a baby belly. She was funny, feisty and spunky (so different than any mom I had met) I was amazed by her. She wouldn’t let me call her Mrs. Brown; she wanted me to call her Maria… yes, that is her first name! I had never called an adult by their first name before, so I was nervous about that for a while. Maya’s dad, Tim, was so tall and quiet, or maybe that is because he seemed to be sleeping during the day all the time (He worked at night). Then there was sweet Kira, my favorite little toddler! She giggled a lot and was always so happy! Kyle came along and was such a special baby. I think I fell in love with that kid the first day I saw him. Nana and Nono were the highlight of the year whenever they visited. After meeting Nana, I soon figured out where Maria got her feisty-ness from. Nono was the rock that everyone rested on.

This was my friend’s family, but they became my family pretty quickly. Spending as much time at their house as I did my own, I felt adopted. There were family dinners with chocolate milk, playing Risk into the night, making dance videos with a clunky VHS camera, playing with Kira and Kyle, attempting to beat Maria at Tetris, having countless sleepovers and annual trips to the Bay Area for Mushroom Mardi Gras! … I’m not even a huge dog person, but I honestly loved Bo and Macy.

So, it was no wonder that as Maya and I grew older and emotional outbursts became a defining aspect of our relationship, we found it easier to remain family, but not always friends. There were hurt feelings, but still a sense of obligation to work it out. We had new friends and experiences… separate lives and varying goals that separated us from daily interaction. I used to say ending up at different high schools helped us remain friends longer than we would have.

I was not a perfect friend, but I loved Maya. I wanted more for her than she wanted for herself sometimes. She was a person of value and getting her to believe that wasn’t easy. Most of my attempts to get her to change some course of action ended in an argument. I recently found a note from her in one of my high school books that says, “ …another year, another fight, but we will be best friends forever.” We laughed about it then and I laugh now… that about sums it up!

As we became adults and the looming future stood before us, she was going to be a mom. What a daunting and frightening experience. Her family loved her and supported her greatly. My decision to help her with the boys was just a natural choice for me as well. Was it convenient? Rarely. Was it appreciated? Not always. Was it simply amazing to watch the cutest boys in the world grow each day? Absolutely!! I was once called an enabler, when it came to Maya. Maybe I was. But, I don’t regret sharing experiences and life with her and sowing into the boys’ lives! The day I stood before God to accept my role as godmother, I meant it.

Through this relationship, I learned more about myself than I was ready to learn. I learned that I could not find my worth and identity though another person. I learned that choosing to love a person has nothing to do with feeling it! I made some of the best and the absolute worst decisions in my life. I humbly learned what forgiveness looks like, thanks to Maya!

When our lives parted in 2000, she hugged me and said “I’m never going to see you again, am I?” She was crying and I was making every effort to not cry…like I normally do. I laughed it off and said “Of course you will, I’ll be down to see Anthony and Boppie as much as possible!” We laughed so hard, but we knew it was true… our tumultuous 14 years was shifting to a “new norm.”

My ally against the “popular girls” so long ago, exasperating buddy through our emotional teen years, and cohort through young adulthood would stay in California as I made my new life in Washington with my husband.

Who knew that day there was only 10 and half years left?

Though it’s easy to be angry about the loss, cry over the missed opportunities or lament about the difficult parts of the journey, I want to remember the great times, memories and experiences that I shared with Maya. They make up a tremendous portion of my childhood and young adult life. I couldn’t have scripted any of this!

Maya, you were a girl that loved Mickey Mouse and Madonna…

You laughed easily with a dimple and cried effortlessly without reason.

You were gracious with the little people at my church that called you “Maya the Bee.”

You so loved your Nana and NoNo and looked just like your mother!

49er fans all the way baby!

You fashioned yourself a dancer! Through Bear Creek Drill and on the dance floor you expressed yourself.

You attempted to teach me how to swim at a neighbor’s house one summer, but after I panicked and almost drowned you… you defiantly declared while gasping for air, “You will NEVER learn how to swim! NEVER!” LOL! At the time I felt really bad, but you looked hilarious!

Our last game of Risk was in our 10^th grade year, I finally beat you (after 4-5 years of getting my butt handed to me) and you refused to ever play me again!

You called yourself Smurfette and my BFF before it was such popular text jargon.

Mushroom Mardi Gras… what can I say…, will always be the best fun we had driving golf carts all over the place, making new friends and flirting with those boy scouts! Not to mention being fussed at by Nana for tipping one of the carts!! So NOT my fault!

You went to my Prom for Lincoln High even though you attended Bear Creek… Jeff was honored to be your escort and you did look great even though you just had a baby!

Our first “Sisters” trip with both of our little sis’s Michelle and Kira was to Great America... we were going to make it an annual thing, remember?? You wanted Kira to grow up to be a strong woman and not make the same mistakes as you. I wonder if you ever told her that?

Our many trips to Great America fill my mind, but the time you took me for my 18^th birthday stands out as one of the best times we’ve had together! We even finally got one of those Old West photos we always wanted to do when we were younger.

Though I don’t gamble, you took me to Reno for my 21^st birthday. What a thoughtful gift. A couple of 17 year old bodyguards (Josh and Alex) was fun too. But, who needs a hotel to stay in and money for gas to get home? Those are little details!

Vegas and Reno were favored destinations…what happens there will stay there!

Our trips to LA and the crazy man on the bus! Gives me the heebie jeebies...

Our first trip to Disneyland with Anthony and Christopher is a treasured memory...even though I ended up carrying Anthony for most of the second part of the day... we vowed to bring 2 strollers next time! I always wished we could do that again with all of our kids. L

The day you asked me to be their godmother, I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. You knew that would mean so much to me. Thank you!

You worked hard to support your boys and loved them dearly!

The couple of trips to Santa Cruz... never again in a cheap hotel! Oh and the last trip there together with Ryan and the boys... Ry was so burned from that trip!

You steadily pursued that BA degree with determination! Your boys were so proud of you! You would have been a lawyer!!

No matter how many months or years we were apart, when we finally caught up with each other we didn’t have to say much, just a knowing look and hug said it all!

You used to call me your conscience that lived outside of your body... It was usually accompanied with a smirk and I would say, nope just a real friend!

So, today I was looking at your senior picture you gave me and on the back it reads, "Nicole, Hello you are very loud, and if it wasn't for you I would of never had such a great safe life. We will always be best friends. Love Always, Maya Class of 94'"

Though I long lost the ability to keep you safe...You will not be defined by how you left this world, Maya. These are my memories, my friend. This is how I will remember you.

I love you!

Nicole